Let’s go ahead and put this right out there: you’re going to feel like a shithead after you use it. On the other hand, when DON’T you feel like a shithead after the temporary ecstasy of your fantasy world wears off and you realize that you blew a load into a tube sock? If those few pre-nut moments are all you’ve got, then you might as well make the most of them. That’s where the Fleshlight comes in.
Since the beginning of time, man has engaged in autoerotic behavior with scant more than a gruff palm and a vivid imagination. Sure, it gets the job done, but this is the 21st century. Isn’t it about time that we evolved? We’ve got iPods delivering music to our ears 24/7. The Internet provides a continuous stream of entertainment, information and pornography. Hell, you can even buy a car with only a small piece of plastic that says, “He’s good for it.” In the grand scheme of things, the Fleshlight isn’t merely a sex toy for guys - it’s an evolutionary milestone.
Here are some insights that you should know before making the plunge:
It’s heavy. Five pounds of patented Silky Skin® definitely comes in handy when you’re sticking your cock into an inanimate orifice encased by hard, molded plastic. This isn’t like playing “Operation.” If something rubs against the sides, the only loud noise that you’re going to hear will probably be coming from you.
It’s anatomically correct. Staring down at the Fleshlight takes some getting used to. The ubiquitous pink lips (or butt hole, depending on the model) are made to look like the real McCoy. Consequently, they offer a masturbatory perspective like you’ve never seen.
It looks nothing like an actual flashlight. Contrary to what the name would have you believe, no mother, sister, wife, girlfriend or TSA agent will ever mistake it for a lumination device. Not even in the middle of a blackout. However, the shape and material are ideal for travel and easy storage. This is the self-love equivalent of my college barnoculars . . .plastic imitations that allowed me to get drunk at football games. Fleshlight is effective in the same way.
It requires lube and a sink. You wouldn’t want to fuck a cold and clammy vagina, would you? Access to warm water and a water-based lubricant is the key to unlocking the full potential of the Fleshlight. It takes some extra effort, but you’ll be glad that you did.
Ez’s basic take on the Fleshlight is this: There is only one respectable way to use it, and that’s with a woman. Ironically, if you had a woman, you probably wouldn’t need the Fleshlight in the first place - but hey, life isn’t fair. For those of you not fortunate enough to be able to enlist the assistance of the opposite sex, don’t dismay. The Fleshlight is equally as satisfying to use solo. You just have to really be into your masturbation. It’s obviously a luxury item, not for the utilitarian stroker or the fast-spanking overachiever who doesn’t have time to slow down and smell the Astroglide.
Posted by: EzraMiller on Jun 9, 2009
Rebel Tags: Sex Product Reviews, Male Products, Masturbation Products
