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Produced by: Ultra Hard and Directed By El Greco
It was the best of squirting movies, it was the worst of squirting movies . . .at times, this was both. Coincidentally, I could say that specifically about Cytherea. In the opener, she unconditionally sucked. No two ways about it - Donny Long let her down. Then the final scene (Technically a bonus) comes along and BOOM! Greatest Hits. It's a comp of her previous work, but I'm not complaining. Hers is a freak show that puts asses in the seats. No matter how many times you see it, it never gets any less astonishing. I genuinely feel sorry for the rest of the girls. The bar has been set so high that even though Kat and Angela give excellent performances, they still can't come close to matching the undisputed queen of squirt.
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Sep 23, 2009
Rebel Tags: DVD Reviews, Ultra Hard, Directed By El Greco
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Porn Stars: Cytherea
Produced by: Ultra Hard and Directed By El Greco
Rather unceremoniously, the movie begins with Cytherea on her knees for Donny Long and her name misspelled on the screen. I'm immediately irritated. The good news is that if anyone is going to bring me back from the brink of a conniption, it's Cytherea. Something about the way that her body shakes, convulses and expels massive amounts of fluid always makes for compelling adult cinema, regardless of how poorly it is filmed. Nevertheless, as the scene rolls on, it becomes very apparent that this pairing was doomed from the start. Donny Long simply doesn't have the stroke to bring out Cytherea's demon. She pathetically piddles tiny streams of pee down on the camera, but this is not the squirt queen at her best by any means.
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Sep 23, 2009
Rebel Tags: Cytherea, Donny Long, Ultra Hard, Directed By El Greco, Brunette, Cream Pie, Squirt
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Porn Stars: Kat
Produced by: Ultra Hard and Directed By El Greco
Where do I even begin with what Kat's got going on here? Let's start with the squirting, I guess. It's not yellow, which is a relief, but it's also not clear, which is perplexing. It's a milky color, credible as some sort of ejaculatory fluid, even though we can't see exactly where it comes from. That could be because I'm too busy staring at Kat's butthole. Don't get me wrong - I've reviewed this tortilla princess in over 50 anal scenes. There are no new developments, as far as I can tell. However, I didn't expect her sphincter to blow out before anyone even touches it. For an honest moment, I thought that she was hiding a billiard ball up there! That's one unbelievable skill to have in an already overflowing bag of tricks. You'll have to watch to find out if she can actually do it.
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Sep 23, 2009
Rebel Tags: Kat, Andrew Rivera, Ultra Hard, Directed By El Greco, Anal, ATM, Interracial, Latina, Squirt
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Porn Stars: Angela Stone
Produced by: Ultra Hard and Directed By El Greco
Look, I'm not here to critique your taste in women. But if Angela Stone were somebody's girlfriend, then I wouldn't be surprised if she spent a lot of time masturbating. She's not the most attractive fish in the sea. Aside from her squirting ability and enthusiasm for the cock, she doesn't deserve much work as a porn whore either. Lucky for Angela, she's able to soak a scene with the best of them. Cowgirl, doggy, anal, you name it - she can fire her water cannon from damn near any angle. Which should be a lesson to all you aspiring porn stars. Practice and hard work will make you famous faster than a pretty face and a cute smile. So get on those cocks and start honing your stroke!
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Sep 23, 2009
Rebel Tags: Angela Stone, Rick Masters, Ultra Hard, Directed By El Greco, Anal, ATM, Blonde, Squirt
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Porn Stars: Sierra Sinn
Produced by: Ultra Hard and Directed By El Greco
This is how I imagine Sierra Sinn wakes up every morning. A quick search around the bed to make sure that whomever she was fucking the night before is gone and then a nice long diddle session to ring in the day. I hadn't contemplated the huge black dildo coming into play though. That's a wicked curveball. All the vibrators and whatnot? Yeah, those have appeared in a couple variations. Then it's time to start the scene. Jay Ashley looks like Sierra has been running him ragged, but he steps up when it's time to fuck. In fact, he elevates his game big time. Sierra isn't known as much of a squirter. With Jay doing the pumping, she does manage to squeeze out more than a few drops.
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Sep 23, 2009
Rebel Tags: Sierra Sinn, Jay Ashley, Ultra Hard, Directed By El Greco, Brunette, Small Tits, Squirt, Toys
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Porn Stars: Crystal Heart
Produced by: Ultra Hard and Directed By El Greco
What the fuck is all this ass licking shit? I thought that this was supposed to be a squirting movie. Didn't Jenner get the memo? Perhaps he did, but he couldn't open it because of his freakishly tiny hands. Normally, when a woman strokes a man's dick, it feels different due to the size of her hands being smaller. For Jenner, Crystal might as well be a linebacker jerking away on his member. "You know how I know you're gay?" On a positive note, she succeeds in pounding out a squirt later in the scene, although it's more of an afterthought. This is probably one of those productions where the wheels fell off at the end of the day, and they threw this in to fill the fifth slot. Not a bad choice at all. Despite his midget hands, Jenner lays some commendable pipe on Crystal's snaggle tooth.
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Sep 23, 2009
Rebel Tags: Crystal Heart, Jenner, Ultra Hard, Directed By El Greco, Blonde, Outdoor, Salad Tossing, Small Tits, Squirt
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Porn Stars: Cytherea
Produced by: Ultra Hard and Directed By El Greco
Black guys always have a much easier time making Cytherea squirt. Something about the size of their dick hits all the right spots inside her magic hole. Well, what would you call an orifice that can seem so normal and then all of a sudden, erupts with fluid like a Super Soaker? That's magic to me! Though I can't say much for the choice of camera angles, Cytherea is definitely in peak form. She's packing some serious force. It's certainly more than those oriental rugs are meant to handle! Think of this as Cytherea's Greatest Squirts.
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Sep 23, 2009
Rebel Tags: Cytherea, John West, Rick Masters, Ultra Hard, Directed By El Greco, Brunette, Editor's Choice, Interracial, Squirt
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Produced by: Ultra Hard and Directed By El Greco
This isn't your average pop shot reel. It's one of the few times that you'll see the women of the movie get in on the action.
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Sep 23, 2009
Rebel Tags: Ultra Hard, Directed By El Greco, Cum Shot Loop
