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Produced by: Celestial Productions and Directed By Stoney Curtis
Scan down the cast list. How do you manage to fuck up something like this? Leave it to Stoney Curtis. He's the steaming douche tinkle that can't keep his big mouth out of every scene he touches. You might remember him from such monumental fuckups as "Fast Times at Deep Crack High 3" and "Hot Bods and Tail Pipe 2." Yeah, dude, fast cars and marginally attractive chicks! For those of you who support Stoney's efforts with the cheerleader outfits and rehashed parody scenarios, knock yourselves out. You don't need me telling that you his movies are garbage - you've already given up on being cool a long time ago.
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Dec 22, 2009
Rebel Tags: DVD Reviews, Celestial Productions, Directed By Stoney Curtis
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Porn Stars: Jenna Haze, Catalina
Produced by: Celestial Productions and Directed By Stoney Curtis
I've learned by now to ignore the pre-sex banter that goes on in these movies. It's never fulfilling and usually leaves me jaded by the time clothes do start coming off. So for this one featuring the very popular, Jenna Haze, and the slightly less downloaded, Catalina, I can't afford to risk listening to anything occurring before the first boob. That wouldn't give the girls a fair shot. I mean - it's not their fault that Stoney is a lousy director. Nor is it their fault that Dez and Brother Love are lower echelon stunt cocks. These whores try to do the best they're capable of with the dick provided. In this regard, it's a winner. Do yourself a favor and try to filter out the off-camera, manly voice. The gift of gab is not something possessed by those in the room carrying a "Y" chromosome.
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Dec 22, 2009
Rebel Tags: Catalina, Jenna Haze, Brother Love, Dez, Celestial Productions, Directed By Stoney Curtis, Anal, Brunette, Group, Money Shot, Rimjob
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Porn Stars: Brooke Lane, Chandler
Produced by: Celestial Productions and Directed By Stoney Curtis
Have you ever witnessed "forced" sluttiness? I'm not talking about the type of shit you see in Lex Drill and Sex Box titles. What I'm referring to is the drunken girl at the party whose inebriated brain tells her that kissing her best friend will make guys want to sleep with her. This behavior is not part of her normal baseline set. It is contrived, as a means of "fitting in" or even dominating a situation. I bring it up because that's precisely the reaction from Chandler in this scene. Her agenda is written all over her face. She may be a whore, but she's not an extremely confident one. As a result, her fight or flight reaction is to crank her libido to eleven and give everything she's got to Brooke and Jay.
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Dec 22, 2009
Rebel Tags: Brooke Lane, Chandler, Jay Ashley, Celestial Productions, Directed By Stoney Curtis, Anal, Big Tits, Blonde, Outdoor, Rimjob, Threesome, Toys
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Porn Stars: Sophie Evans
Produced by: Celestial Productions and Directed By Stoney Curtis
The best part about this scene is that Stoney stays the fuck out of it. For once in his miserable career, he succeeds in keeping his mouth shut and just shoots camera. Why is that so difficult? I don't know - you'll have to ask him. Never mind that the setting doesn't match his "Deep Crack High" theme at all. It's a massage parlor without the vaguest reference to a cheerleader. As far as I'm concerned, this is a drastic improvement over everything else that has come before in the series. In fact, this is the first time that I feel 100% confident in giving an Editor's Choice tag. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Dec 22, 2009
Rebel Tags: Sophie Evans, Joey Ray, Celestial Productions, Directed By Stoney Curtis, Anal, ATM, Blonde, Editor's Choice, Euro
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Porn Stars: Nikita Denise
Produced by: Celestial Productions and Directed By Stoney Curtis
It's unbelievable that anyone could screw up a pairing of such accomplished performers as Nikita Denise and Lexington Steele, but you can count on Stoney Curtis to crash and burn. Not only does he make Lex look like a chump running 40-yard "sprints," but Stoney also interrupts what would have otherwise been an exceptionally hot scene with his bullshit. Does he have a "self-destruct" button that goes off in his head, which won't allow him to shoot good porn from start to finish? It's always something with this guy. I don't know about you, but there's nothing wrong with the camera being a passive, unspoken observer in the room. If you need involvement from behind it, that's your own deal.
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Dec 22, 2009
Rebel Tags: Nikita Denise, Lexington Steele, Celestial Productions, Directed By Stoney Curtis, Anal, Brunette, Euro, Horse Dick, Interracial
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Porn Stars: Kelsey Hart
Produced by: Celestial Productions and Directed By Stoney Curtis
So you choose this whore to recreate one of the most recognizable scenes in all of cinema history? Do you honestly think that Kelsey Hart has got anything on Phoebe Cates? Moreover, how can you do justice to the movie moment that has sparked wet dreams in millions of young men for the past two decades? Lofty goals for a subpar porn director - this is an abomination to all of those involved in the original. Stoney walked a fine line up to now, but his attempt at slaying the lion is met with dismal failure. Fuck this guy. Fuck him up his ass! I hope that Judge Reinhold goes to his house and personally cunt punts his wife while simultaneously blowing a load on his refrigerator handle. Scrub until your fingers bleed. The first thought that comes to mind every time you go to grab some food is that your hands are covered in Judge Reinhold's spunk.
Posted by: AmericanVice.com on Dec 22, 2009
Rebel Tags: Kelsey Hart, Dave Hardman, Celestial Productions, Directed By Stoney Curtis, Anal, Brunette, Gaper, Outdoor, Rimjob
